Help others in any way you can

From time to time the question of Organ Donorship comes up, so I would like to share this with you. When my son was killed, it took 4 hours for the Police to finally confirm to us that it was him because he was driving his sisters car at the time. Amongst many other things that went through my head, this thought genuinely occurred to me on the way back from identifying him at the hospital. I turned to my husband (we were in the back of the police car at the time) and said 'My God, if only they had got to us sooner, we could have helped someone by donating his very healthy heart and anything that they could have used'. My husband agreed with me, and it made us both even more sad than anyone can know we were feeling already. Roger was only a month of being 20, and his organs could have been such a gift to some other family.

Well, years passed, but that feeling never left me. A few years ago, my beloved husband had a brain haemorrhage, and was in intensive care in Newcastle (the nearest Neuro unit for Carlisle area). I had spent the night with him, and my daughter and her husband who had travelled with me behind the ambulance the previous evening, had had to return home as they had a dog. We arranged for them to come in the morning, and I was to come home and rest for a few hours. I had hardly got home when they arrived. Debby, who was totally devoted to her dad, said the doctors had told them there was no hope, and that I should go back to sit with him until he died. Debby could not face going back, and I didn't feel any need for her to be put through more agony than necessary anyway.

On my drive back to Newcastle, I resolved that if Graham was going to die, then if his organs could help anyone, in any way, such as research or whatever, then I would offer. I had always decided, whenever I read of people needing to be asked for permission to take organs, that I would never put some young doctor through such an ordeal.

I arrived back and immediately went to the ward office and asked to speak to the doctor. I then said that although he would probably think it odd, I would rather ask now, rather a few hours too early than too late, if there was any way in which Graham's organs could be used, then it would be his wish, and mine, that it be done. The doctor was taken totally aback. He said that he had never been put in this position before, he had always had to ask before, and how hard it is to do that in the midst of so much heartbreak. Well, I have always felt that it is more useful to offer than to wait to be asked, so that is why I was taking the course of action I had decided on.

The upshot was that even though Graham was 1 month off being 71, and his heart was not able to be used as he had been on Anti-coagulant drugs for a few years, he was still able to help 32 people to enjoy better lives for his gift. I was in awe of how wonderful the Blood Transfusion service were with me, the thoughtful way they asked the questions that they had to ask to make sure all was well and that he had not suffered from any diseases that would have precluded the use of any organs etc. I was staggered to find that it was not just one or two people than can be helped by this sort of donation, but such a lot of people - corneas give sight to two people, then there are other parts that can be used for tissue grafts etc.

The reason I am writing all this is because if you are not already on a donor register (and Graham wasn't) please make sure that your family and next of kin know your wishes and can act according to what you want done. If we can help someone, anyone, it makes the loss of a loved one a tiny bit less painful because you know that somewhere, there is a family rejoicing that the long awaited transplant can finally happen. Make it a New Year Resolution if you like, but whatever you do, make sure you do either (preferably) register or even just tell your next of kin.