Help others in any way you can

From time to time the question of Organ Donorship comes up, so I would like to share this with you. When my son was killed, it took 4 hours for the Police to finally confirm to us that it was him because he was driving his sisters car at the time. Amongst many other things that went through my head, this thought genuinely occurred to me on the way back from identifying him at the hospital. I turned to my husband (we were in the back of the police car at the time) and said 'My God, if only they had got to us sooner, we could have helped someone by donating his very healthy heart and anything that they could have used'. My husband agreed with me, and it made us both even more sad than anyone can know we were feeling already. Roger was only a month of being 20, and his organs could have been such a gift to some other family.

Well, years passed, but that feeling never left me. A few years ago, my beloved husband had a brain haemorrhage, and was in intensive care in Newcastle (the nearest Neuro unit for Carlisle area). I had spent the night with him, and my daughter and her husband who had travelled with me behind the ambulance the previous evening, had had to return home as they had a dog. We arranged for them to come in the morning, and I was to come home and rest for a few hours. I had hardly got home when they arrived. Debby, who was totally devoted to her dad, said the doctors had told them there was no hope, and that I should go back to sit with him until he died. Debby could not face going back, and I didn't feel any need for her to be put through more agony than necessary anyway.

On my drive back to Newcastle, I resolved that if Graham was going to die, then if his organs could help anyone, in any way, such as research or whatever, then I would offer. I had always decided, whenever I read of people needing to be asked for permission to take organs, that I would never put some young doctor through such an ordeal.

I arrived back and immediately went to the ward office and asked to speak to the doctor. I then said that although he would probably think it odd, I would rather ask now, rather a few hours too early than too late, if there was any way in which Graham's organs could be used, then it would be his wish, and mine, that it be done. The doctor was taken totally aback. He said that he had never been put in this position before, he had always had to ask before, and how hard it is to do that in the midst of so much heartbreak. Well, I have always felt that it is more useful to offer than to wait to be asked, so that is why I was taking the course of action I had decided on.

The upshot was that even though Graham was 1 month off being 71, and his heart was not able to be used as he had been on Anti-coagulant drugs for a few years, he was still able to help 32 people to enjoy better lives for his gift. I was in awe of how wonderful the Blood Transfusion service were with me, the thoughtful way they asked the questions that they had to ask to make sure all was well and that he had not suffered from any diseases that would have precluded the use of any organs etc. I was staggered to find that it was not just one or two people than can be helped by this sort of donation, but such a lot of people - corneas give sight to two people, then there are other parts that can be used for tissue grafts etc.

The reason I am writing all this is because if you are not already on a donor register (and Graham wasn't) please make sure that your family and next of kin know your wishes and can act according to what you want done. If we can help someone, anyone, it makes the loss of a loved one a tiny bit less painful because you know that somewhere, there is a family rejoicing that the long awaited transplant can finally happen. Make it a New Year Resolution if you like, but whatever you do, make sure you do either (preferably) register or even just tell your next of kin.

Update latest news

I was going to mention that at the end of my 2nd visit, I only had British money left, so gave Vic's maid, who had looked after me incredibly well, a £20 note. She immediately burst into tears. I told her that I hoped she was not upset, and that I intended for her to be able to buy something nice for her little girl. She explained that her tears were because she had never held so much money in her hand at one time. This shocked me to my core! I knew she only earned about £12 a month (and that was a very high pay for domestic staff, but was because she only worked 3 days a week for Vic).

The next time I went to Botswana, I got chatting to Nostar (easy to remember her name, by thinking of Welsh for Goodnight!). I asked her if she had found something nice for her daughter. 'No,no, no!' she exclaimed. 'I used the money to start a shop!'. She had been out and bought a load of tomatoes, and a few other bits and pieces, and by the time I returned 4 months later, she had a thriving business. This time I taught her how to make Scotch Pancakes, as at her home she only has a wood fire, so it was no use giving her ideas that needed ovens and gas hobs etc. I bought a sack of flour and a tray of eggs and litres of milk, and she now has a very thriving business making something that gets sold to all and sundry. It just goes to show that give someone a gift as insignificant to us as £20, teach them how to make something with ingredients that are easy to source, and with the enthusiasm to escape poverty, they will work really hard to achieve wonders.

I get very angry about the so called Charities. The workers on the ground are one thing, but the ones who 'go out to check things are happening' are appalling on the whole. They travel first class or at the very least business class, and then want only the very best accommodation in the most expensive lodges and hotels. When we give money to charity we expect virtually every penny we give to go to the poor we are trying to help. Well, it doesn't. It goes in Admin and paying 'fundraisers' obscene salaries. I decided that never again will I give a penny to a charity that is saying it is helping poor people overseas. My donations are reserved purely for the RNLI and RBL.

I went out about 9 months after the Tsunami, and by chance was sitting next to the International Manager for a very large bank on an internal flight. (No 1st class seats on those flights!) We got chatting and when he told me he lives in Chenai, I asked about the effect of the Tsunami and had they received help from the enormous amounts of money given. He told me that they had actually not seen any of it, and that some of the American money was 'matched funding'. Disgusting eh? When communities have lost everything, how on earth can any donor expect them to raise money in order to be given money from the Tsunami Fund. I know this is now nearly 7 years ago, but it sticks in my mind and disgusts me still.

Still interested but not able to travel far

SO many years have passed, but my support for the children continues. I can be relied upon to bring up the subject of Aids orphans with monotonous regularity, and also the contrast between children who really have nothing and those who have too much.

At Christmas last year I'd heard that the dream of the orphanage was to have guttering and water butts to save some of the water from the rainy season to use during the long dry months. This I paid for instead of buying a load of useless gifts for friends who really don't need anything more to clutter up their already full houses. All my friends were delighted with this, and as I told them, their gift is now a length of guttering on an orphanage in Botswana.

I still have hope that one day I will be able to return there to see the wonderful orphanage that has now been built and is filled with happy, cared-for children.

Sunshine's African Kids update

Time has gone on, and I have only managed to go back once since my last blog entry, but I have now been able to send money via Vic to pay for food for the children whenever I have had an SOS message from Andrew at the orphanage. My friends Vic and Terry have loaded up Vic's truck with food and been able to delivery it for them. I was able to leave a fair amount of money with Vic last time I was there, and it has made sure that the orphans have been fed when times got very hard.

The wonderful new orphanage is now built, but the thing they did not have enough money for was to put guttering and water storage tanks in place. I heard about this last November when organising my usual Christmas food gift to them. I immediately transferred enough money to pay for all the equipment to be bought (again, thanks to Vic & Terry who got the best prices as well) and I have recently seen photos of the orphanage with the guttering and water tanks in place - and of course, it will be enormous benefit during the long dry season that Botswana has (mainly when all the rain is falling here!)

I still hope to return to Botswana one day to see all my lovely friends there, and to see for myself the superb orphanage that was just a dream that first time I went.

I am hoping that this link will work as it is the Orphanage report with lots of photos and showing the enormous amount of support they have from all over the place.

One further treat was going to be given to me that I was totally unprepared for. Larry asked if I would like to go with them and their friends to the Khama Rhino Sanctuary at Serowe. I could not believe my ears. This was the place that I had gone to briefly with Gabi and Phil and where I could not take any photos. Did I WANT to go? Not half!
They were going to stay in one of the camping lodges, and we were setting off within a few hours. It was decided that I would drive the car down to Palapye, where their friends live, leave it in their garden, and continue to Serowe in Ian & Larry's car. This way I would be able to go south from Serowe instead of back to Francistown at the end of the visit.

I had been unfortunate the last time I had been to the Rhino Reserve as the batteries on both my stills camera and my video camera were flat, and the chargers were in the car left to be serviced. This time I was well prepared.

We arrived at Serowe and I met Esh and Ellie for the first time and we got on so well it was as if I had always known them. They had with them Ellie;s sister, Twinkle (don't ask!) who I had met at Clifton School where she was teaching at the time. She had come over for a short stay, from her home in Canada, and had found a job with a lovely house at Clifton. She was great fun, and again, we had got on very well.

Arriving at the Kharma Rhino Sanctuary, I was entranced by the clouds of bright yellow tiny butterflies that looked like miniature sailing boats on the ground.

Soon we were rewarded with this wonderful sight of our first close up Rhino.

We were still on our way to our cabins, and this was very exciting. They were lovely. Wooden A-Frame buildings, with two bedroom, a shower and a toilet and a table and 4 chairs. Outside there was a Braai, and we were soon getting that going as night falls very quickly, and once it does, it is not easy to find your way to your cabin if you are in one that is a little walk away through the high grass. We were lucky, as the one we were sharing, Larry & Iain and myself, was close to the Braai, but Esh & Ellie and Twinkle had a bit of a hazardous walk to get to theirs.

First light and we were up, coffee pot on, toast made and ready to go and see the animals or whatever we could indeed see. We hear the 'Go Away' bird shouting at the top of his voice - as clear as any Mynay bird can shout it too. He acts as a warning signal for other birds, so you are rather lucky if you get to see many with him around - and he also seems to warn the animals too.

The Zebras are also another favourite of mine, so to see a whole herd of them together was great. I had noticed a couple of Wilderbeast in the distance, and wondered if there would be any near enough for me to get a photo. I could not believe my eyes, when, after about 5 minutes waiting, this handsom chap appeared about 15 ft away from me!

What a reward for such a little wait. I think he must have been hiding and watching me!

There was another flotilla of those lovely yellow butterflies in the road, so of course, I had to take a photo of them.

More strange (to me) insects, some very pretty too, were everywhere, and all could do was marvel at how much grass had grown in the 4 months I had been away. It was at least a metre high, and ladened with seeds.

Soon it was time to leave, and chance for a poignant photo beside the cabin Larry and Iain and myself had been using.

 

Back row: L. Esh, Centre: Iain and R.  Larry, Front L Twinkle and R Ellie.

 Larry & Iain now live in Perth, Western Australia, Twinkle is back with her family in Canada, and Esh and Ellie now live in Gaborone. One photo encircling the globe, but all with their hearts in Zimbabwe. These friends are one of the reasons I mainitain a page on Facebook.