Life can begin with widowhood, it need not be the end

Life is strange. I know the old adage that gets spouted when a life changing event happens. As one door closes...etc. Usually this has resulted in badly trapped fingers for me, but the sudden death of my husband of almost 40 years made me determined to make sure that it didn't sever my digits, but set me off on an totally unknown journey to I knew not where. All I knew was that I had a fearless nature, a love of people, and almost no ties. Yes, I have a daughter, but she was more devoted to her father than to me, and I always felt that I was just not seen in the same conventional way that most of my friends children saw their mothers.

My life had changed directions many times over my tenure on this planet, not always for the best, but I had tried to learn from wherever it had taken me. I had been brought up to attend church and had a faith, but this had been shaken, tested, broken and repaired many times. I had and have always maintained that I have some sort of faith, but not necessarily a deeply religious one. I see religion as man-made, with all its anomalies and faults, and cannot find it in myself to follow unquestioning anything that seems to demand that I do not question the fundamental tennets that it stands on.

I had belonged for a long time, in cyber terms anyway, to a group of Expats from my home area, on the internet, and they, more than my real family, were a great comfort and strength to me when I faced the world alone for the first time. That group of truly good people, scattered all over the world, encouraged me, cajoled me, teased me, pulled my leg and generally were my real source of strength. I shall always be so thankful for the support they gave to me. One of them even emailed me to say that if I felt I needed a holiday once all the dust had settled, I was to jump on a plane and go and stay with him. We had never met, but I also just had a good, safe feeling that he was an inherrently good person who meant me no ill. After a year, I decided to take up his invitation. He lived in Botswana. So this part of my journey started.